Packing Fools!

Yep..., the entire family has become a gaggle of packing women! K., took out no less than five black trash bags out of her room yesterday - all out of her closet! WOW - I told you I live with 3 saving women (all with the same last name!) Laughing and laughing!

However, Babe and I have chosen a new last name for ourselves, finally. For some reason, I'm fond of long last names, so..., Babe came up with a combination of two words that describes us very well - they will be combined to form a new last name for both of us. We didn't want to use either of our real last names because - its plain and simple - both of our families are full of people who hate! They hate anyone that isn't lilly white and deemed to be an adequate hater themselves! In reality, they hate themselves - that is why they hate others! How sad - I feel sorry for them; missing out on a whole host of wonderful, loving people.

I would love to change my first name and yes..., I have picked one out for myself. However; Babe doesn't want me to change it because she likes Paula. What I keep reminding her is that my father's birth name is Paul David and he "hated it so bad..." that he legally changed it to David Paul. Okay..., that's fine - then he named his daughter, myself, the exact name that he "hated so bad...." Well..., now isn't that interesting - just like a self fulfilling prophecy of sorts. I "hate" my first name; therefore, I will name my only child a derivative of that same name!

Babe and I don't use the word "HATE" - it isn't in our vocabulary! We have tried very hard, to no avail, unfortunately, to remove that word from our daughter's vocabulary. Another saying that we just can't seem to remove from their common, everyday use is, "He got her pregnant! He got her pregnant! He got her pregnant!" Were are in a small town in the Midwest - for only one and a half more weeks - so "He got her pregnant!" applies to most of their female friends.

My typical response is, "Hmm..., if she hadn't..., willingly spread her legs for him..., had used some type of contraception..., then..., she wouldn't have gotten pregnant! It takes TWO TO TANGO! Please stop placing all of the blame on HIM! Babe and I have had countless talks with our two youngest (who aren't that young) trying to correct this line of thinking - blame placing - blame shifting! Yes..., we taught them to abstain until they are absolutely ready to accept the full consequences of sexual activity - in addition to - wisely using the vast array of contraception tools available to them. It's called reality folks - some young women become pregnant - despite our best efforts to help them understand how damn hard it is to raise a child at such a young age. Babe would know - she started having children as a teenager - that is whey we are in our early forties with a three daughters, 18, 20 and 23. Much younger than the parents of our daughters friends - which is fine with us.

We have taught and continue to teach: You are fully responsible for your own actions - you are responsible for your own actions! No one held you at gun point and forced you to make that decision, use those words, act in that manner - make your choices carefully, young ladies - sometimes the price is more than you are really willing to pay for your thoughtless actions. Mom and I have been there - chose carefully - don't make the same mistakes that we did. We know fully well that they are going to make mistakes - mistakes are quite normal - just make different ones than we did! (That way - it will be more entertaining for us as we help you figure out how to correct the mess - hehehe!)

So..., the pressure is on for M. to have a boyfriend. She has had boyfriends in the past - and learned some very heartbreaking lessons. So..., dear relatives and friends - she is taking her time, choosing carefully and concentrating her efforts on college at the moment! She has been told that she is too picky by the "dear ones" because she is looking for a young man that can or will be able to support himself, is intelligent, kind, loving, patient and open minded. Slow down folks - she's already tried: All of my problems are due to someone else, I don't have any drive or ambition, I should be able to sleep around, you should drop what ever you are doing and rush over because I'm out of money, drug less, pathetic and a looser! Let her grow "dear ones" let her flourish as a young lady, learning her way around this vast world, let her find the man of her dreams her own way - on her own time, when she is ready! Besides, K., just went through learning the heartbreaking boyfriend lessons that M. did two years ago - that makes one remember and be a little hesitant about jumping into a new relationship.

And please, stop telling both K. and M. which college they should go to and what they should major in or chose as a career! Are you footing the collegiate bills? Nope..., I didn't think so! They have chosen their own universities based on their own research. They have chosen their majors based on their own desires, likes, dislikes and career ambitions. They are the ones that have chosen to attend college - chosen to make sacrifices in order to further their education and ultimately - they will be paying for the decisions they are making today! So..., please, get off of their backs - let them enjoy this part of their lives - and be thankful..., damned thankful..., that they are interested in attending a 4 year university and attempt to forge a better future for themselves. Besides for Babe and myself - no one, and I mean no one, has attended college before in their immediate families. The lack of experience by family members in this respect has led to all sorts of additional pressure: why don't you ever come visit me, you don't have to study, what do you mean that you have a final and can't come down for my birthday? Pressure on pressure on pressure! It couldn't be because the universities they have chosen are an average of 2 hours from here, (in completely opposite directions) both have jobs in their new towns, have to attend class, etc....

Babe was told by her family and past husbands that she was "stupid" so damned many times in her past, that when we first met, she actually believed she was stupid, dumb, incompetent, a looser, completely worthless! All three of our children believed that she was stupid too - since that is all they heard her being called for the first formative years of their little lives! It took us years of talking, crying, laughing, and a hell of a lotta love and patients before she realised that she wasn't the stupid, worthless, compete idiot, fool of a woman, that she had been lead to believe that she was!

Women's Gymnastics Team

So..., last night, Babe and I watched the qualifying round for the women's gymnastics team. It was rough and heart breaking to say the least - damn..., to train for years and years for an Olympic opportunity that comes around only every so often. Our hearts were aching for these young women as they struggled to cope with losing two team members to injuries. The athletes gave it their all - finesse, power, ability and emotions. Present five - take the score for four, quickly became - present four and take what you get. And they did - yes, there were numerous mistakes; however, as only women can do..., they smiled, held hands, built each other up and went on to do their best to make a very difficult situation work to their advantage. This is just the qualifying rounds - so..., rest, relax, focus and kick some serious Olympic gymnastic ass!

Alicia Sacramone - going to be..., one beautiful woman..., when she matures. It's her eyes, smile and facial expressions that I find so attractive. She shows her emotions and I like that in a woman. In my opinion, it takes a much stronger woman to physically show her emotions, out their for public display, than one that pretends to be hard as a rock and unfeeling.

Shawn Johnson - Wow - what an impressive young lady! Watch out - she's hot and could pull off a first time, Senior Olympic competitor, medal here folks! What an absolute cutie.

LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY: Babe and I have decided that we are going to compete in the, Don't Know What The Hell They Are Doing - Forty Year Old - Bound To Hurt Themselves - Most Definitely Going To Be Embarrassing Themselves - Women's Uneven Bars! Yep..., that's right - you'll see us flying round, round, round and round on the bars - too afraid to let go and actually do something other than - round, round, round and round! Probably will see us fly right off them too! We decided that the higher scores should go to the forty-something women that have the worst dismounts, possess the best smiles and curse endlessly when they loose! And..., if you actually tear out the crotch in your outfit, in an attempt to do the flying splits - well hell..., honey - that's a guaranteed top score!

Our Olympic outfit will be a pair of cotton, boy briefs and a sleeveless, v-neck t-shirt. (That was my decision - because I'm dying to see Babe in a pair of boy briefs - she won't even try mine on!) There is no way in hell I want to strut around pulling the regular kind of gymnastic outfit out of my butt crack all of the time! My God..., I have other things to concentrate on, you know, like..., like..., exactly how ear piercing my very girly scream will be as I fly off of the bars - directly into - the cheering crowd! Also, I think the powdery stuff should go..., yep..., we should substitute in KY Jelly instead! YEE HAA..., honey, if you can hang on to those uneven bars while they are all slicked up with KY - that's another top score ladies!

We aren't going to allow any coaches either. Paramedics ready and waiting, for the ever so creative, disastrous dismounts - hell yes! Ambulances with their lights and sirens already screaming - hell yes! Coaches - nope, not one!

Okay..., we will need some judges of some type, I suppose. Hmm..., we will select names of audience members at random - yes..., that is what we will do - random audience members. We will pay them for their services in beer and cigarettes. Okay..., paid judges, slowly becoming intoxicated and smoking themselves into a frenzy, as the competition increases in intensity!

Cat fights among the competitors - we should have a separate Greco, wrestling mat with a pink, circle thingy painted on it, specifically for this purpose! The rules will be as follows: (1) You CAN run screaming from the much larger, snarling woman that is about to kick your ass, (2) You CAN call an "I have to pee..., hold on just a moment!" time out, at any point, during the match. Lord knows, us forty-something women have to pee all of the time, (3) You CAN tear your opponents clothing off - earning major points if total nudity is accomplished and, (4) finally, you CAN "tag in" your girlfriend, wife, all of your friends or anyone else who just wants to join in the fun.

We will not be having a balance beam - too dangerous. I would hate for one of us forty-somethings to land on that hard, unforgiving thing - injuring the most tender area of our bodies (wink, wink!)

Hmm..., floor exercise - most definitely! The dress code for this event includes: a heavily worn, pair of boots, hunter green or tan waders over your button flys, a plaid, flannel shirt with the sleeves cut out, and a ball cap. Oh..., and a huge wad of sunflower seeds! Required gear: Your best fishing pole and overstuffed, tackle box. Yep..., the butches going to cast for the "babes" standing at the other end of the mat!!!! The "babes" will be wearing: bare feet with painted toe nails, very short, 501 button-up cutoffs and..., and..., a bikini top! There are absolutely no height and weight requirements because, as we all know, beautiful women come in all sorts of shapes and sizes!

Hmm..., what does that leave..., oh yes, the vault thingy. Now..., we should include this event because there is a long, long area that one has to run down before they get to the spring board! (Grinning in my chair!) Okay..., anyone else out there getting the visual - fully endowed women - running towards the spring board? Anyone elses heart starting to pound, palms getting sweaty, blood pumping, etc..., just thinking about this sight? Damn - I might just have a heart attack watching this event, since I'm a breast and hip woman, myself! Okay..., what is the dress code, uniform or lack thereof? Lacy bras and panties..., yes, lacy bras and panties are required for this event! NO sports bras - they won't have the desired effect! Okay..., the winner comes from the audience - the first woman to have a complete lust, melt down wins an award - as does the running woman that caused the melt down! (One final thought - you have to be "all natural" to compete - no augmentation allowed!)

Ahh..., lesbian, over forty, summer Olympics! And just think - this is just the gymnastics portion of the competition!!! Buy your tickets now..., practice those casting skills, cut those button flys short, short and shorter ladies!

The Olympics!

Yep..., Babe and I were out running around yesterday and had stopped at a local, cheap, marginal tasting, fast foodish, pizza buffet. The Olympics were showing on a big screen TV, the place was packed and we were engulfed within seconds of sitting down at our table. Mmmmm..., two on two, women's volleyball..., sweat shined, sleek bodies, intense competition - excellence! Our eyes were glued to the game, cheering for each perfect play, cringing at each missed opportunity - for either team! The appeal: relentless dedication on the athlete's part, major sacrifices to obtain perfection and..., and..., Mmmmm..., WOMEN! The sets were close - nail biting, hand wringing close!



Now, you have to understand, I can't sit still during any sporting event. I could easily become heavily involved in Olympic Gum Chewing - if there were such a thing! Of course, I cheer for who ever is losing at the moment - I don't like to watch one team get absolutely blown away by another - that takes all of the fun out of watching! So..., cheering for the under dog of the moment - overly involved - yelling "Yes! Yes!" and "Shit..., no, no!" repeatedly, in a pizza restaurant, is going to attract some attention! The woman, sitting at the table behind us, got into the action - "I just love sports..., any sports!" I responded, "Me too! Me too!" Yes..., Babe has become accustomed to me striking up a conversation with anyone - anywhere! So, Babe just smiles, nods her head and grins at me. She no longer asks me, "Honey Doodles, who was that person? Do you work with them? Are they a friend of yours?" Because, I always reply, "I don't know who they were, Babe!"

Blue Denim - I just love this song!

Anyway..., we went to put down the pet deposit on the apartment and saw Zach again. He is very warm, charming and quite funny. I think I could spend all day with this young man and never get bored by the conversation. He mentioned that the leasing agents are on a mission to add as many gay and lesbian couples and singles to the apartment complex as possible. He, personally, wants the entire complex to be RAINBOW bright! Amen, honey..., Amen! For some reason, we seem to get along fabulously with him - we could talk each other's ears off - I swear! Babe and I explained how the one apartment complex (we gave him the specific name) refused to show Babe and I an apartment because of our sexual preference - he was equally mortified and extremely pissed. In addition, he said that he will tell potential renters to steer clear of the highly prejudice, uneducated property. Zach and his partner didn't have the same type of experience that Babe and I had in our apartment search. Then again, he said that they were wearing bands - but not matching bands. We discussed how interesting it was that we could buy two houses; however, couldn't "see" an apartment!

Sylvia was there too - sitting at the same desk. She said that she had started moving in Friday - building 19..., building 19. Then, she said that we were going to have a "welcoming party" at her apartment and then ours! How funny is that - would be really cool! I proceeded to tell her that Babe and I ran across something for her, a gift of sorts, while we were packing. Yes..., we saved a bright orange, Home Depot shirt that Brenda use to wear to work. After we move, we plan on crossing out Home and writing HOMO directly above the word Depot. Just like Sylvia did on her orange apron - the one that got her fired! Some people just simply don't have a sense of humor at all.

NOTE: When is the general public going to realise, that pointing and yelling "Lesbians! Lesbians!" at two women who ARE lesbians, doesn't constitute an insult? Complete twits! Babe and I don't find it insulting in the slightest bit! Maybe we should start pointing and yelling, "Looky..., looky..., its a straight person! Straight people!" at ever straight person or couple we see in this good ole Midwest! I'm telling you..., makes me want to lay one on her every time we get eyed! Hell..., maybe next time, I'll just grab her crotch and give it a squeeze or two!! Because..., they mistakenly think it has everything to do with sex - not life in general, you know. I'm sorry to disappoint anyone - yes, lesbians raise families, hold down jobs, run out of toilet paper, get pimples, bury their loved ones and have to shop at the grocery store - just like everyone else does!

Anyway..., Babe still has this virus crap that her co-workers gave her for free! So..., she is taking some sort of kick ass antibiotics - that are eating her gut alive. Think I will work in Panama today - get some more blister, buggy bite things all over my hands and arms. Hell..., something down there is snacking on me and it's not my wife! Damn shame - really! Not looking forward to cleaning up the yard - Babe will probably tackle that one for us. Then there is the shed and all of the lawn equipment. Did I mention it's going to be one hell of a yard sale?

K., leaves for college on the 18th and M., is going to help us with the yard sale and some moving of the heavy stuff. Then, she will be off to college (they attend two different universities) on the 22nd. Babe and I will get to share a home, by ourselves, for the first time in our 10 year relationship. I can't even begin to tell you how damned excited I am! Ecstatic, as a matter of fact!