Women's Gymnastics Team

So..., last night, Babe and I watched the qualifying round for the women's gymnastics team. It was rough and heart breaking to say the least - damn..., to train for years and years for an Olympic opportunity that comes around only every so often. Our hearts were aching for these young women as they struggled to cope with losing two team members to injuries. The athletes gave it their all - finesse, power, ability and emotions. Present five - take the score for four, quickly became - present four and take what you get. And they did - yes, there were numerous mistakes; however, as only women can do..., they smiled, held hands, built each other up and went on to do their best to make a very difficult situation work to their advantage. This is just the qualifying rounds - so..., rest, relax, focus and kick some serious Olympic gymnastic ass!

Alicia Sacramone - going to be..., one beautiful woman..., when she matures. It's her eyes, smile and facial expressions that I find so attractive. She shows her emotions and I like that in a woman. In my opinion, it takes a much stronger woman to physically show her emotions, out their for public display, than one that pretends to be hard as a rock and unfeeling.

Shawn Johnson - Wow - what an impressive young lady! Watch out - she's hot and could pull off a first time, Senior Olympic competitor, medal here folks! What an absolute cutie.

LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY: Babe and I have decided that we are going to compete in the, Don't Know What The Hell They Are Doing - Forty Year Old - Bound To Hurt Themselves - Most Definitely Going To Be Embarrassing Themselves - Women's Uneven Bars! Yep..., that's right - you'll see us flying round, round, round and round on the bars - too afraid to let go and actually do something other than - round, round, round and round! Probably will see us fly right off them too! We decided that the higher scores should go to the forty-something women that have the worst dismounts, possess the best smiles and curse endlessly when they loose! And..., if you actually tear out the crotch in your outfit, in an attempt to do the flying splits - well hell..., honey - that's a guaranteed top score!

Our Olympic outfit will be a pair of cotton, boy briefs and a sleeveless, v-neck t-shirt. (That was my decision - because I'm dying to see Babe in a pair of boy briefs - she won't even try mine on!) There is no way in hell I want to strut around pulling the regular kind of gymnastic outfit out of my butt crack all of the time! My God..., I have other things to concentrate on, you know, like..., like..., exactly how ear piercing my very girly scream will be as I fly off of the bars - directly into - the cheering crowd! Also, I think the powdery stuff should go..., yep..., we should substitute in KY Jelly instead! YEE HAA..., honey, if you can hang on to those uneven bars while they are all slicked up with KY - that's another top score ladies!

We aren't going to allow any coaches either. Paramedics ready and waiting, for the ever so creative, disastrous dismounts - hell yes! Ambulances with their lights and sirens already screaming - hell yes! Coaches - nope, not one!

Okay..., we will need some judges of some type, I suppose. Hmm..., we will select names of audience members at random - yes..., that is what we will do - random audience members. We will pay them for their services in beer and cigarettes. Okay..., paid judges, slowly becoming intoxicated and smoking themselves into a frenzy, as the competition increases in intensity!

Cat fights among the competitors - we should have a separate Greco, wrestling mat with a pink, circle thingy painted on it, specifically for this purpose! The rules will be as follows: (1) You CAN run screaming from the much larger, snarling woman that is about to kick your ass, (2) You CAN call an "I have to pee..., hold on just a moment!" time out, at any point, during the match. Lord knows, us forty-something women have to pee all of the time, (3) You CAN tear your opponents clothing off - earning major points if total nudity is accomplished and, (4) finally, you CAN "tag in" your girlfriend, wife, all of your friends or anyone else who just wants to join in the fun.

We will not be having a balance beam - too dangerous. I would hate for one of us forty-somethings to land on that hard, unforgiving thing - injuring the most tender area of our bodies (wink, wink!)

Hmm..., floor exercise - most definitely! The dress code for this event includes: a heavily worn, pair of boots, hunter green or tan waders over your button flys, a plaid, flannel shirt with the sleeves cut out, and a ball cap. Oh..., and a huge wad of sunflower seeds! Required gear: Your best fishing pole and overstuffed, tackle box. Yep..., the butches going to cast for the "babes" standing at the other end of the mat!!!! The "babes" will be wearing: bare feet with painted toe nails, very short, 501 button-up cutoffs and..., and..., a bikini top! There are absolutely no height and weight requirements because, as we all know, beautiful women come in all sorts of shapes and sizes!

Hmm..., what does that leave..., oh yes, the vault thingy. Now..., we should include this event because there is a long, long area that one has to run down before they get to the spring board! (Grinning in my chair!) Okay..., anyone else out there getting the visual - fully endowed women - running towards the spring board? Anyone elses heart starting to pound, palms getting sweaty, blood pumping, etc..., just thinking about this sight? Damn - I might just have a heart attack watching this event, since I'm a breast and hip woman, myself! Okay..., what is the dress code, uniform or lack thereof? Lacy bras and panties..., yes, lacy bras and panties are required for this event! NO sports bras - they won't have the desired effect! Okay..., the winner comes from the audience - the first woman to have a complete lust, melt down wins an award - as does the running woman that caused the melt down! (One final thought - you have to be "all natural" to compete - no augmentation allowed!)

Ahh..., lesbian, over forty, summer Olympics! And just think - this is just the gymnastics portion of the competition!!! Buy your tickets now..., practice those casting skills, cut those button flys short, short and shorter ladies!