Teenagers!

I am so thankful..., that I am NOT a teenager! My God..., they don't know if they are coming or going! Teenage girls are hormonal nightmares, walking around on two legs, laughing one moment and crying hysterically the next. They can't remember anything, yet..., they know everything! They are convinced that clothing 7 sizes too small for them looks attractive, that it is A-Okay for your breasts, gut and ass to be hanging out of your clothes when you leave the house AND..., that each new boyfriend..., is the love of their life!

Paula, "Babe, where is the parenting manual?" Babe just handed it to me..., already book marked to the appropriate spot! She is so awesome!

Okay..., let's see what it says..., In order for the parent(s) to survive the teenage, I know everything years, one must:
(1) Begin drinking heavily
(2) Start taking some type of recreational drug
(3) Invest in a heavy duty set of ear plugs
(4) Remove all slamable doors in the house
(5) Don't expect the "story's" details to make any sense
(6) Admit that you actually know nothing about anything
(7) AND..., remember every last, little, who cares, detail of each and every story!

The manual also provides a list of things to consider:
(1) Changing all of the locks on the doors
(2) Adoption possibilities for teenage girls
(3) Flat out moving - with no forwarding address
(4) Publicly announcing, "Nope, she's no relation of mine!"
(5) Claiming insanity and checking yourself into a mental resort
(6) Permanently eloping with your wife
(7) Duct tape and WD-40!

Things to expect, as listed in the parenting manual:
(1) In-congruent story telling
(2) Not-so-creative lying
(3) Blame shifting, a lot of blame shifting
(4) Being called "slang" names like "Dude"
(5) Hateful attitudes, words and looks
(6) The dreaded 18th birthday - "I'm an adult!"
(7) Piles of dirty, stinky, soured laundry
(8) Inability to clean up after themselves and...,
(9) Complete denial of any responsibility!

Hmm..., "Babe, tell me again why you wanted to have children?" Looking up from the book and grinning.

Babe, "Hell..., I don't know what I was thinking! I swear..., must have been some type of temporary, evil, demon possession that came over me!" Chuckling. "Just 3 more days and they're both off to college!" A huge look of relief forming on her face.