Help Me!

Someone help me! I'm in packing hell!

Yep..., I've become delusional from so much sorting, tossing and packing up all of our stuff. Hell..., I think I might have packed up my brain in one of the boxes..., now, which one, of what feels like a thousand boxes, could I have put it in? Oh shit..., I hope I didn't loose it in one of the trash boxes! That would be a bummer! Oh well..., you can order damn near anything over the Internet - I'll get myself a new one! One that works faster, leaner and meaner! The Mean Joe Green of brains - that's the one I'll order!

Actually, I'm enjoying packing everything up..., because..., because..., I'm actually getting to throw away tons and tons of crap! YEE HAA! I've been wanting to get rid of all of this crap for years now! Yes..., there will be one hell of a garage sale. A garage sale at a house that doesn't have a garage - okay, perhaps it will be a yard sale. Dread..., I don't like to do garage / yard sales..., not one bit. Besides, it's roasting, heat wave, skin blistering, hot outside right now. Yep..., this Cherokee woman can feel herself getting darker by the moment just thinking about the yard sale. I think my freckles are starting to get freckles of their own and Babe agrees. She loves the little brown dots I have all over my shoulders, chest and back. Wow - I'm even getting them on my legs - now that is a little too much!

Thank God Babe took off work for four days so that we could have the sale and then move our heavily reduced, simplified life over to the new place. To hell with unloading the shit over there..., they have two swimming pools! I think cooling off in the clear water should take precedence over unpacking the truck!!! But then again, I think anything that involves swimming (lake, ocean, pond, bath tub, bright yellow garden hose, a big rain puddle, etc....) should take top priority in our lives! It's true, I just can't help myself - I'm a water woman! Probably because I spent my summers in Ardmore, Oklahoma, living on my friend's parent's house boat. That one, floating, double decker, little slice of heaven, must have permanently left its mark on my soul. There was nothing like diving off of the top of that house boat - the lake water was wonderful to help heal the numerous strawberries I got on my legs as a result of softball tournament after tournament. AND..., all our friends in their two piece swim suits - HEAVEN, I tell you it was pure HEAVEN! Especially, Shelly (we nicknamed her boobs) for obvious reasons! She was a total slut - different guy every night - damn shame! Stacked to hell and back - in a two piece - it's a wonder Sherry (another closeted lesbian) and I didn't accidentally drown every time Boobs came out to the house boat. My God..., I later found out that probably, 70% of our gang of 15ish women were lesbians - how wild is that? The shame of the thing is..., the one that I had a crush on for my last summer there, was definitely straight - she was so adorable, shy, blond, fair skinned, blue eyes, feminine, sweet, innocent, and the only non-athlete in the bunch. Damn..., I could have just licked her from head to toe and back in a heart beat; however, that would have ruined a friendship.

The other day, Babe was at work and the local, professional soccer team was having a blood drive donation thingy. Her coworker, S., kept talking about all of the guy's legs and how sexy they were - hounding my wife to go up and take a peek at the guy's with her. She said that S., practically started begging Babe to go upstairs with her - for the entire first half of their work day. Then, S., mentioned that the cheer leaders were at the drive, as well. Remember, Babe is not out at work! Babe said, "Honey Doodles, I just wanted to yell..., well hell..., if you'd told me the cheerleaders were here earlier..., I'd been right up there at your side admiring each and every one of them!" That is soooo not like my wife to say something like that (think it - yes..., actually say it - no!) Being the out woman that I am, I would have bravely yelled out "I'm there already!" Bolted straight upstairs and tried my best not to salivate all over them! Damn - why couldn't that have been "bring your wife to work" day? Because..., this over sexed 43 year old, would have given herself a heart attack and died right there at the blood drive - right along side her wife! (Laughing hysterically now!) One of them would have probably said, "Gee! I broke a nail! Gosh, I don't know who the president is..., what was his name again?" And the fun, admiration and salivating would have quickly ended for both of us. SIGH

I suppose I should pack something..., anything! We don't live in a home anymore - we live in stacks of this and stacks of that! Stacks here, stacks there..., stacks, stacks everywhere. We have this enormous Christmas tree (since the ceilings are 12 feet high in this old house) and I can't seem to talk Babe into selling it in the garage sale and getting a shorter one. Oh..., I keep forgetting that the living room has a vaulted ceiling in the apartment - never mind. What should we do with the fish in the pond? I'll probably take them to the local fishing hole and release them. K., and Babe dug the pond in our back yard, so that it is deep enough, that the Goldfish and Koi don't have to be brought inside during the winter months. If I wade in to the deepest section, the water hits me right around the chest - it's deep for a Koi pond. They did a good job - only took them two days to dig it out.
I guess I'll wade in there and get the pump out for the garage sale. Paula, don't forget to disassemble the two external pumps and sale them as well. Oh..., and the girl's bicycles! Damn..., I completely forgot about the prolific heap of lawn stuff in the shed out back! SIGH SIGH

Simplify..., decrease..., ease..., lighten..., reduce..., diminish..., free yourself of all of this crap already! Pack it up and ship it out! I wonder how much it would cost to ship all of this stuff the 30 miles to the new place? Okay..., may have to hock the children to pay for the shipping. $300 for 2 hours - that is what a local company wants to charge to move our big stuff. Damn, can't pull that off and pay for deposits on utilities and the apartment. Too bad..., have to lug all of this stuff ourselves. Well, we've done it before and obviously, we will do it again. Even more reason to lighten the load! Babe is leaving the packing up to me, which is entirely fair, because she works such long hours, in addition to, an hour and a half commute each day. I'm happy to be the packing woman, since I just hang out in the house all day anyway and do housewife type stuff. Truth be known, if it was entirely up to me, I would get rid of absolutely everything that we have - just keep the sentimental stuff that we have given each other over the years!